Those who know me will be aware that I am notoriously slow on the uptake. I get into ‘new’ bands 2 years after their debuts, recount news stories others heard about a week before, watch films 3 years after they’re out on DVD despite promises to go to the cinema on their release...you get the idea. So it should come as no surprise, I suppose, that until last night I was completely ignorant of the ‘extreme fetish’ internet phenomenon that is 2 Girls, 1 Cup.
After what turned out to be many hours chatting to Seth, during a ridiculous conversation about poo, he mentioned 2 Girls, 1 Cup. I wish I hadn’t now, but I asked him what it was. He sent me a link and dropped a hint about the gross nature of it, and a piece of advice – ‘DON’T watch it. If you DO watch it, watch it with someone.’ Now, this wasn’t very encouraging. But after saying goodbye, before removing myself from the internet, I thought I’d just have a little look. And that little look turned into a “well I think I might just watch a bit of it.’ And that was it – I’d never be able to close my eyes again.
I don’t really know how, but I didn’t completely realise just what the film would be. I know it would be something involving shit (the giveaways? Hmmm...the name, the conversation that led Seth to mention it, the illustration of a cup of shit in the corner of the webpage...) but never in the world would I imagine that it could be as horrific as it was.
I just wanna point out at this point, actually, that I haven’t seen the entire clip. I would like to think that no one has. I never got past the 2 girls kissing with huge mouthfuls of shit passing between them. Just typing it has made my stomach churn again. I don’t want to believe that it’s real. I want to cry at the thought of it. I think the most disturbing part, and the bit that haunts me each time I close my eyes, is the bit at the start where the girl does the shit. I mean, I’ve never seen anything like it. The shit she does is like coffee-mousse coming out of a Mr Whippy machine. They must have used laxatives or something, what the hell she must have eaten to make it like that I dunno. I don’t think I really want to know.
Anyway enough of the description cos if you’ve seen it, you know, and if you’ve not then you probably don’t want to know (and if you’ve not seen it I beg you to not watch it. Please.) All I really wanted to say was that I’m finding it very difficult to imagine HOW and WHY 2 Girls, 1 Cup was made. I am an open minded person, and I like to think that I understand fetishes. But this is just one step too far. How anyone can find that erotic is so far beyond me. More to the point, how anyone could agree to be filmed DOING THAT is completely mysterious. How could you DO THAT? And more to the point, isn’t it dangerous to eat and lick someone’s shit?
To conclude, I know there’s not much point to this rant, but I had to write about it in the hope that talking about it would help to clear the images that seem to be burned into the underside of my eyelids. It hasn’t worked so far. And I never ever want to see chocolate pudding, or coffee-mousse, or butterscotch angel delight ever again. 2 Girls, 1 Cup is the most derogatory, horrific, vile and disturbing thing I have ever had the misfortune of seeing. So thank you Seth for making me aware of it.
Monday, 5 May 2008
Sunday, 4 May 2008
Vote Joke
I voted on thursday. After worrying that I would forget I made a mad dash down there and caught the after-work-rush of parents clambering in the church hall, kids in tow, to put pen to paper and have their say. What I always find funny is the conversation you pick up in the queue, "Mummy...what are you doing?", "I'm voting." "Why?" "Because...well, I don't know to be honest. So I can stupidly feel like I've made a difference."
I understand the frustration, it is very easy to feel as if your one vote has no potential to change anything. But at risk of sounding trite, what if everyone thought like that? It seems very obvious to me that the consistent, dedicated voters are often people who feel a strident dedication to a certain party politic. Therefore it is important for those of us less sure of the party that 'represents us' but certain that we need freedom and equality to make sure we cast our vote.
I was down at the hall for quite a bit of time and I didn't see anyone younger than 30 go in to vote. That's not to say that they didn't, but I think you'd find, if you researched, that young people who vote are in the minority.
I was always told that if you don't cast a vote yourself you have no right to argue over the outcome of the resulting politics. I agree with this - even more so now I've heard several friends and acquaintances moan about the state of the results. I'm not suggesting that if everyone I knew voted there would be a markedly different result, only that the result would have the potential of being different, and said friends would feel that they had their say.
Essentially I agree that if you don't want to vote, you don't have to, and if you don't know who to vote for that is fair enough as it can be difficult to decide for the best these days. But I think everyone should have a bloody go. Especially women. It's easy to forget that not so very long ago we women would not have even had the chance to have a say in the running of the country. Now we can we should, it's very important that we make our mark.
So, having made the effort to cast my vote, now when the results are terrible I feel like I actually am allowed to moan about it. And moan I will.
I understand the frustration, it is very easy to feel as if your one vote has no potential to change anything. But at risk of sounding trite, what if everyone thought like that? It seems very obvious to me that the consistent, dedicated voters are often people who feel a strident dedication to a certain party politic. Therefore it is important for those of us less sure of the party that 'represents us' but certain that we need freedom and equality to make sure we cast our vote.
I was down at the hall for quite a bit of time and I didn't see anyone younger than 30 go in to vote. That's not to say that they didn't, but I think you'd find, if you researched, that young people who vote are in the minority.
I was always told that if you don't cast a vote yourself you have no right to argue over the outcome of the resulting politics. I agree with this - even more so now I've heard several friends and acquaintances moan about the state of the results. I'm not suggesting that if everyone I knew voted there would be a markedly different result, only that the result would have the potential of being different, and said friends would feel that they had their say.
Essentially I agree that if you don't want to vote, you don't have to, and if you don't know who to vote for that is fair enough as it can be difficult to decide for the best these days. But I think everyone should have a bloody go. Especially women. It's easy to forget that not so very long ago we women would not have even had the chance to have a say in the running of the country. Now we can we should, it's very important that we make our mark.
So, having made the effort to cast my vote, now when the results are terrible I feel like I actually am allowed to moan about it. And moan I will.
Wednesday, 13 February 2008
If I Could Do Anyone Right Now...
Let me introduce this by pointing out two things - firstly, I am incredibly immature. I see no problem in this, I think anyone who says they're not immature has no place being a friend of mine. Secondly, I constantly have my mind in the gutter. Again, this is no big deal if you are a friend of mine - we swim in the depths of smutty depravity, which is where we are happiest. And why not? Why not indeed.
So, bearing these two points in mind let me introduce my new hobby: when bored I like to think of who I want to do. And I giggle at this, because I find the word 'do' very funny indeed. Not content with just thinking this, I have decided to broadcast my wanton lustings when I please. Or at least when I think of a new one.
Right now I want to do Ivan Aycock from the L Word. If anyone reading this (wait...does anyone read this) watches, they will know how weird this fantasy is. Not because an ftm trans is weird, but that Kelly Lynch dressed as a man with a shiny-static hairdo and overalls is a sight to behold. But oh my, is it a wonderful sight. For some reason the hair, the voice, the suaveness, and the way he treats Kit is dreamy to me, and thusly I have been dreaming of doing him, or more accurately being done by him, all day. Swoon.
There is a scene in which Ivan dances for Kit in a car park...he sings a song called something like 'I'm Your Man'...this is the best bit...one of the lines of the song is "if you want a doctor I'll examine every inch of you", in which Ivan traces his hands across Kit's tits and hips. Ooooh it's bloody amazing.
Anyway, the point is today I want to do Ivan Aycock. Tomorrow, who knows.
So, bearing these two points in mind let me introduce my new hobby: when bored I like to think of who I want to do. And I giggle at this, because I find the word 'do' very funny indeed. Not content with just thinking this, I have decided to broadcast my wanton lustings when I please. Or at least when I think of a new one.
Right now I want to do Ivan Aycock from the L Word. If anyone reading this (wait...does anyone read this) watches, they will know how weird this fantasy is. Not because an ftm trans is weird, but that Kelly Lynch dressed as a man with a shiny-static hairdo and overalls is a sight to behold. But oh my, is it a wonderful sight. For some reason the hair, the voice, the suaveness, and the way he treats Kit is dreamy to me, and thusly I have been dreaming of doing him, or more accurately being done by him, all day. Swoon.
There is a scene in which Ivan dances for Kit in a car park...he sings a song called something like 'I'm Your Man'...this is the best bit...one of the lines of the song is "if you want a doctor I'll examine every inch of you", in which Ivan traces his hands across Kit's tits and hips. Ooooh it's bloody amazing.
Anyway, the point is today I want to do Ivan Aycock. Tomorrow, who knows.
Smoking - The Halcyon Days
When did smoking become so tiresomely hated? I remember being young, when filling my lungs with smoke was both cool and fulfilling as a pastime. These were the halcyon days: we could smoke INDOORS...yes, we could dance with a cigarette, make out with a cigarette, watch a band with a cigarette, even have a meal with a cigarette. Not like now, where you can stand outside of clubs with a cigarette, or watch the sky turn dark and stormy with a cigarette.
Let me explain myself - I am not saying i want a return to smoking indoors - I dont. I like that my clothes no longer reek as much, and my meals can be enjoyed in a restaurant that doesnt have a smog filling the dining room. I'm not so keen on the clubs smelling of sweat and old farts (literally, not old people), but we'll overlook that minor point.
All i want is for smokers not to be seen as lepers by passers by. I mean if you smoke, you'll know what i'm saying. Now, if you stand on a busy street enjoying a cigarette you will be thrown looks similar to those given to child murderers or grave robbers. What's the problem? So long as i'm not blowing it in anyone else's face (And i VERY rarely do that) i'm not doing anyone any harm.
Am I?
Let me explain myself - I am not saying i want a return to smoking indoors - I dont. I like that my clothes no longer reek as much, and my meals can be enjoyed in a restaurant that doesnt have a smog filling the dining room. I'm not so keen on the clubs smelling of sweat and old farts (literally, not old people), but we'll overlook that minor point.
All i want is for smokers not to be seen as lepers by passers by. I mean if you smoke, you'll know what i'm saying. Now, if you stand on a busy street enjoying a cigarette you will be thrown looks similar to those given to child murderers or grave robbers. What's the problem? So long as i'm not blowing it in anyone else's face (And i VERY rarely do that) i'm not doing anyone any harm.
Am I?
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